..September 2008 Bullet train to Nagasaki
Passing Hiroshima….I’m not sure if I realize what I stumbled upon. Do I appreciate what’s in front of me?
Photographing 11 atomic bomb Survivors in a short and intense amount of time. This is why I became a photographer…and have a hard time stepping away….
curiosity, Love, excitement…
..September 2008 Nagasaki..
8:02PM Hotel Room across from the museum. Sitting on the bed
My first night in Nagasaki. Sitting in my hotel room staring at a tv that only speaks Japanese. Outside the window I have a view of the atomic bomb epicenter. 64 years ago death and destruction reeked outside. Now I’m sitting in a business hotel a 1/2 block away.
I’ve traveled for 2 straight days. 16 hour flight New York to Tokyo. 5 hours sleep, 9 hours Tokyo to Nagasaki by train. It’s 8:00PM, I’m exhausted and curious about who I’ll meet in the morning when I start the first portraits. What will they say? Will they be offended I’m American?
..Nagasaki..
It’s pitch black outside the window. I can’t keep my eyes open. My body has traveled half the globe. ET on the tv dubbed in Japanese. Wake-up early. Walk around the epicenter. Get ready for portraits.
..Nagasaki September 7th,2008..
One hour after train ride, little before sunset. First time at the hypocenter
..I thought the epicenter would have drawn more of a crowd. Only 2 ladies and a father playing with his son wandering across the spot where the world’s greatest atrocity took place. The grass was very thin and spotted yellow from a summer long soaking of intense sunshine. Looked like any park in a forgotten neighborhood.
..September 8th, 2007 Second time at the epicenter, Nagasaki..
Walked to the epicenter at 6:30AM. A Japanese man walking across the park. Stops and bows in front of the monument. A deep bow. A sign of great respect. Continues to his destination. I wonder if this is how he starts most of his days?
..September 7th, 2008 Nagasaki, Japan 15:00..
My fear of Failing….My fear of Being Myself….My fear of someone else’s Thoughts….
…Arrived under a bright sunshine, while rain teared down from the clouds. I’ve never seen rain on a sunny day. Nagasaki is at the Edge of the Japanese main islands. No where to go once you reached the end…
Looked out at the small chain of islands that Seiichi’s grandmother witnessed the white flash of August 9th, 1945. 2 miles away on the shoreline. I’m sure she has seen it many times in her mind.
I don’t know what is inside me. Excitement, Desire, Fear, Boredom, Love, Revenge, Apathy, Lies, Truth, Complicated, Sympathy….
..September 2008 1 block from epicenter, Nagasaki..
..Where I realized how to love people..By myself..by the river 6PM sunset 1 block from epicenter..
..Where I realized why I traveled across the world to meet these people..Where I found emotion in Nagasaki..
..The first time I saw the reflection in the small stream running next to the epicenter, this was when the devastation hit me. It’s one of the most moving photos I took. Peaceful but remorseful.
..I first saw the reflection of the archway in the shallow water. As August 9th, 1945 grew older the pile of bodies multiplied in the canal. Eventually making a dam of corpses which stopped the running water. The corpses piled almost to the top of the 20 foot archway.
Along with the reflection of the archway, I can see the reflection of innocent that didn’t need to die. Why did this happen? It didn’t need to. This image has more of an effect on me than the epicenter. How can a scene so peaceful be a grave 64 years ago?
..Where I realized what happened. Where I realized war is fucking shit..that kills the innocent..
..September 2008 Nagasaki, Japan..
….500 feet above my head the 2nd atomic bomb detonated on August 9th, 1945. Blood, fire, black rain, and heat engulfed everywhere around me. For a split second the temperature at the epicenter reached 1 million degrees.
….100 feet to my right corpses piled on the river creating a dam of death that stopped the flow of water. The Urakami Cathedral a 1/2 mile down the street collapsed and fell down a hillside. Part of the tower still sits at the bottom.
The world had gone MAD. Never have we witnessed the level of insanity experienced in 1945. What did we do here? Nothing can justify this atrocity. To think this could happen again terrifies me.
..2nd day in Nagasaki at the epicenter of the atomic bomb, I don’t think the entire story has ever been told or ever will be comprehended.
..September 2008 Bullet train Tokyo to Nagasaki..
12PM: On the move again, searching for something I don’t know what it is..wanting someone I don’t know..Don’t know what to expect..The very end of a chain of Islands at the Edge of the World.
A sense of purpose I don’t understand..Running towards someone who will run from me..
I don’t know what I’ll find inside me when I arrive..
..March 2008 New York to Hiroshima and Nagasaki..
I find myself once again traveling to the Edge of the World. This time to speak with people who have experienced the worst of human actions. It’s remarkable how an event as disturbing as the detonation of the atomic bomb can be lauded as victory for some members of the human population.
A technology so advanced used to destroy and ravage a fellow human. Think about how we could have put the immense resources and advanced science to better human kind?
..I don’t know if it’s guilt or curiosity of what the Survivors of the atomic bomb, Hibakusha, have endured that has me traveling to the other side of the world to meet strangers. It’s both. With an explanation mark on GUILT!
What do you say to a fellow human who has lived through this horrible experience? Am I worthy to look into their eyes? I have a lot of respect for what the Survivors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki have endured.
Maybe listening to their story is the greatest sign of respect I can show each Survivor and victim of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Ignoring the fact this happened and people have suffered a lifetime of pain that I could not imagine would be the disrespect a majority of people have showed.
..March 2008 The Woman outside the White House..
When I was attending university I used to photograph a woman who sat in front of the White House protesting the use of nuclear weapons. The last time I saw her was 11 years ago, 1997. She has been holding a 24 hour a day vigil on the street since 1980. Only leaving briefly to go to the bathroom, sleeping on 2 blankets, and a pillow on top of a large wooden mattress, no matter the elements.
I’ve seen her sitting in snow up to her waist and sweating in the oppressive August humidity. She out lasted 4 Presidents who slept about 100 yards away in the Lincoln Bedroom inside a mansion called the White House.
I’ve been carrying a business card she handed me the first time I met her. It was shoved into the corner of my camera bag for 11 years. I wonder if she’s still sits there? I can’t imagine being as devoted to give up my entire life for a cause. 1980 was 28 years ago. She has been sitting out there 3/4 of my life. In that time I’ve seen the birth of my sister, experienced my parents divorce, graduated from college, started my career, traveled around the world twice, and seen the birth of my niece.
I haven’t been to Washington, DC in many years. I wonder if she is still sitting in front of the White House? I wonder if she’s still alive? I thought about her while I was photographing Hibakusha in Nagasaki last fall. When I was sitting in my hotel room one block away from the epi-center, I thought of my friendship with her from 1995-1998. Is she still sitting out there?