I Killed the King With My Lies

..October 2009 New York..

13 years ago, I photographed a Jane’s Addiction concert on October 30, 1997 at Hammerstein Ballroom in New York. I have a large photograph from the concert hanging in my living room. A symbol of the start of my career.

I remember the exact moment when I snapped the photo and the lyric Perry was singing. He put his leg over the monitor leaned towards the crowd. I snapped away.

I was about a foot away in the photo pit. It was the first song. A nervous sweat poured out of me all over my camera. My finger was on the shutter button all concert. The energy from the band and crowd made me feel like I was on a wave.

At the end of the second song Dave leaned down from the stage with a rose sticking in his hair. I heard his soft voice over the anarchic crowd and shreeking teenage girls. “Is everything ok?’ I nodded. I can’t say it was surreal. It was unrealistic.

I drove to Washington, DC the day after. Worrying all night if that shot came out. I picked up my film, immediately looked for that series of shoots. Walking down a cobblestone street in Georgetown and looking at the film simultaneously. I got the shot. I remember the walk like it was yesterday. 23 and the beginning of something. Of what?

Today I sat by the river with 2 friends. I starred at the broken wooden piers disappearing into the dark blue river. I pretended to listen to them speak. Fading in and out of a mindless conversation I’ve heard the past 12 years of my life from dozens of different people.

Their 8 years younger than me. So this conversation is new to them. Seagulls land and perch on top of the broken wooden piers sticking out of the water. From a distance they look like gargoyles a top a cathedral. Behind the bench we’re sitting on, bicycles and joggers zoom by us. Towards the side, two gay men sitting in the grass are kissing.

My friends are babbling away as I nod. The sun is fading underneath the coastline. I wasn’t sure what the future was on October 30, 1997. Twelve years later in some sense, I don’t know what the future will bring.